When Matt left for deployment the first time I was totally broken. I could have filled up a tube with all my tears. I was depressed, mean, sad, & all those fun kinds of feelings. I was worrying about him 24/7.
When Matt left for deployment the second time I was upset, but not broken. I cried a little, but not too much. I really don`t worry about him as much.
But why? Why was it not as bad as the first time? Well when he left the first time it was gonna be 8 months till we saw each other again. When he left the second time it is only 2 1/2 months till we see each other again (as of now 52 days till I see him!!). Now don`t get me wrong, I miss my husband like crazy. I would still give anything for him to be with me right now. But I can tell a difference in me from the first time he left. And take one guess what it is.....G-O-D. When Matt left the first time God wasn`t the center of my life. I prayed every night but it was for Matt's safety. I loved God, but I wasn`t working at my relationship with him. When he left this second time I put it ALL on God. I started following my way back to the path I got lost from. I can really feel a difference. Yes I still cry sometimes, the hurt of missing my husband is still there. But I just start talking to God about it. No, God doesn`t take the pain away, but it is comforting to know He is there & that He cares.
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