20% There, 100% Love

When Matt comes home at the end of April 2010, he will have been in the Army 2 years. In those two years, we will have been around each other 5 1/2 months.......yeah I know.

He went to basic first in OK, I saw him maybe 3 days when he graduated. Then he went to Maryland for AIT, I saw him 2 days there. He came home for a holiday for 3 days. Then he came home for 2 weeks for the wedding and honeymoon. That is around 3 weeks. Then we lived together for 4 months. He was then deployed. Then in January he gets his R & R which is like 2 weeks.

Now I know it is sad that I have only seen my husband that much in 2 years. And if you would have ever told me that before I met Matthew, I would have thought, "well that wouldn`t have worked out". But my love for him has not changed since that first day. It doesn`t even phase me too. I`m just so thankful God sent me Matthew. There is no one else other then him that I could have done this with. My love for him has gone beyond what I ever thought I could do. It just shows me that God really knew what he was doing.

God is Banging on my Door!

I talked to Matthew on Thursday before I left for Auburn. I waited all weekend for a call but.....nothing. I texted (not sure if that is correct English??) him and usually he will text me saying, "Calm down, I`m fine, call you when I can," but.....nothing. So Sunday night I was WAY worried. Now, I`m not always worried about him, just some days are worse then others, and this was one of those days! So I laid in my bed and balled my eyes out, usually the only place I like to cry. I just prayed and prayed to God. "Please keep him safe and please let me hear from him soon" I prayed for probably 5 minutes. Then I heard my text alert go off. It was Matthew saying, "I love you. Glad your home, everything is fine." Then I started crying harder. I was pouring my heart out to God, and He took care of me. This is the second time this week that I just felt like God was talking RIGHT TO ME!

So God, you have my attention! I already felt last week that I needed to try harder at being a better Christian but WOW now I just feel rude if I didn`t! Even though I feel alone, like the third wheel, like everyone's lives are going on like normal and mine's on hold, that my best friend is not here to confide in & kiss......even though I feel like I`m on my own, I have God. He is always there listening to me and watching me. (sigh) He is such a great Man!

The Suffering Servant

Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this? The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum. But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed. We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn't say a word. Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence. Justice miscarried, and he was led off— and did anyone really know what was happening? He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, Even though he'd never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn't true. Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life. And God's plan will deeply prosper through him. Out of that terrible travail of soul, he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly— the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch, because he embraced the company of the lowest. He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many, he took up the cause of all the black sheep.
Isaiah 53, The Message

My devoation today had this passage in it. When I read it I felt like I got hit in the stomach. I read it and just stopped. I have never had a moment like I felt like God was like, "WAKE UP!" But wow I really felt it after reading it. I just sat and prayed and cried to God. We all work at being a better Christian. I work on talking about people, being nicer and not worrying so much about my looks. I struggle and lately I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I still prayed and thanked God when something good happened. But I could just tell I wasn`t going any where. This passage opened my eyes. We think it is hard to be a Christian.....try being Jesus. And the thing is, He never fell. The devil tried but He kept on!

Also what got me was this was written hundreds of years before Jesus was born. Isn`t that crazy???? God knows it all. Sometimes I wonder how am I going to do this or pay for that. And I promise you, God ALWAYS provides. Never fails! It is just amazing, I can`t even wrap my mind around it! God is really great : )