I`m Going to Say Sorry NOW.....

When I am anxious, I shut down, I won`t talk (maybe one word answers) & I`m kind of mean. The best I can explain is, it is like how I acted before I had to do a dance @ the basketball games. I don`t like to do cheerleading dances (now give me a drink & a country band & I`m out there!!). So before we would dance @ halftime I was in a horrible mood. I would not talk to anyone. I most likely answered everyone with, "I don`t know".

So if you see me or talk to me before Matthew gets here, I`m most likely going to be like that. I don`t mean to come across rude. I`m just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anxious, & it really is better for me to be alone. SO I`m going to say sorry now to anyone I see or talk to! I`m not mad at anyone. I`m just going crazy waiting around! I`ll be back to normal when I get to see my handsome husbands face : )

Steak & Shake

I missed a day, which is kinda good because I was actually busy! So just to catch yall up yesterday was 3 days : )

It was fall, & it actually was quite cool (which isn`t normal here in Florida!). We skipped our classes & went to Lakeland to get his truck worked on. The place was closed, so we went to the Steak & Shake where it is just the drive through. We ate outside & just laughed and talked.

That's it. Really that is one of my favorite memories of Matt. Just the feeling of it just being us & we had no worries back then (other then skipping school). That is my go to memory when I`m feeling sad. I wish SO BAD I could be there with him @ that Steak and Shake just eating fries and talking about nothing.

2 days : )

When We Got Back Together

Okay okay, Matt dumped me once......jerk haha. I always tell him even we are 90 years old, I`ll still bring it up. I always joke, "Yeah well you dumped me". Anywho, we had dated I think about 4 to 5 months. It was summer time and he moved back to Lakeland. I was here in Lake Wales. But every weekend we hung out. Then one weekend he stayed here with me, it happened. We had just woke up & I could tell something was wrong. He said those un-fun words. I was heart broken. Ugh...those 2 months sucked. But I knew in my heart he was the one, so I waited.

School was about to start and I didn`t want any awkwardness so I e-mailed him and said call me. I was gonna tell him I was totally over it (I wasn`t) and that it wasn`t a big deal (it was) and that I wasn`t waiting around for him anymore (but I was). I was trying to play it cool. So he called me but I was coming home from somewhere & said I`ll call ya back later. And I did, I was actually getting ready to go have dinner with my sister. So I told him I needed to tell him something, & he said he had something to tell me. I told him to go first. I was totally blown out of the water. He said he loved me, regretted breaking up with me & pretty much asking me to be with him forever. I didn`t say a word, I was about to tell him I was over him and here he is telling me he wanted to be with me. That was God stepping in there. I knew in my heart I was suppose to be with Matthew, but I wasn`t gonna force it on him. But God knew what He was doing! So from there on we were always together. Funny how you get to that low point and God picks you right up. I`m not a Grey's Anatomy person at all but I heard this quote right after he told me & it is SOOOOO true. Meredith Grey: "At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away." That couldn`t explain it better : )

4 Days

First Time We Talked in Person....

The first time we talked in person is actually quite a funny event. By this time my other relationship had ended and most everyone knew. BUT only a few knew that Matthew & I had started "talking". After our phone conversation, I told him I would go to his baseball game and he has said he was coming to watch me cheer @ the basketball game. So I went to his game & then left to go cheer. He came to the basketball game but left early before we got to talk. I was pissed! I was just thinking, "well what the heck?". The game is over and he had not came back, so I start to walk to my car. Well one of my guys friends I guess had a crush on me and started walking with me and started to ask me out on a date. I was half listening because I was looking all over the parking lot for Matthew. I was a little thrown from his question, I`m not even sure if I answered him because I was alittle shocked! I some how just said no, but in a nice way and started running to my car.

Well guess who was waiting by my car, Matt Brown : ) He was wearing jeans (AE, yeah it is funny he ever wore those types of clothes now!) & one of those "baseball" shirt, it was white & blue. He had went home to change and take a shower, explains why he left early. So we talked, couldn`t tell you one word of what it was. All I remember was he went to hug me. **Disclaimer** I`m not a hugger, at all! We just don`t do that in my family. There are few people I hug always" My Grandma, Colton, Grady & Finley. I will SOMETIMES hug my parents. I have never hugged my sisters, EVER. It's a running joke with my friends, don`t touch ML. So if you go to hug me and I act weird, it's because it is weird to me. I would rather shake hands** So I was TOTALLY thrown off and it was one of the most awkward moments. He says he thought at that time that I didn`t like him since I was acting weird. It is just one of those moments you look back @ and laugh.

5 days : )

First Time I Heard His Voice....

If you follow my blog (I know there are so many of yall!) you have read "The Boy Sitting on the Cooler". If you haven`t go back down and read it, it explains how Matt & I started dating.

Anywho, we had e-mailed back and forth for awhile. I gave him my number & then waited....and waited....you get the point. I`m not patient at all, so I said, "Screw it, I`m calling him!". So I called a friend who dated one of Matt's friends and got the number. Now Matt swears he tried calling but I must have gave him the wrong number he says, whatever haha. So I called him and this southern accent came across the other end. My heart melted : ) I remember being like, "You grew up in Florida, right?" and he said, "yes". I go to Alabama every summer, & my mother was born and raised there. But he has the accent, not fair.

EVERY TIME someone in my family/my friends goes to tell a story about Matt, when they get to the talking part they ALWAYS talk with a southern accent. And he doesn`t understand why?! Being in the Army he meets lots of people. And no one ever believes him that he is from Florida. He says, "People always make me sound dumb (say it with the accent)!" But I love it! I remembering being like in my head, "cute & southern accent.....I`m done!"

6 Days : )

And the Count Down Begins......

Matthew will be home in 8 days.....well in 10 minutes it will be 7 days (1 week)! I can`t even explain it to you how I feel. We have not seen each other in 8 MONTHS! We have been together 4 years & going 8 months without seeing him is killing me! Going from everyday to nothing, yeah it sucks, take my word for it. 8 months with out kissing & other married people stuff (wink wink), I hope I`m still good lol. I feel like I might be alittle rusty, but I`m sure we can pick up where we left off! Sorry yall I`m married & love my husband, I`m allowed to talk about it ; )

This week is gonna be the LONGEST week of my life (add only getting on Facebook once a week), I`m gonna be NUTS! So I have decided to blog about favorite memories I have about Matthew. I know yall are on the edge of your seats for this haha. But I got to kill time some how!

P.S. Shout out to my team....WAR EAGLE! Outback champs! What a game!

I Want to BOIL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5qzCSH5Ng0

Open a new window & listen to this while you read (sorry I don`t how to make it as a video on here).

What's your resolutions? I usually have a list of a lot of little things, and do I keep them......no haha. I just have one big one that will change a lot of little things. I want so bad to be a better Christian in my day to day life. Simple you would think, but it isn`t. I love God, but to the outside world I don`t think you would know that. And it shouldn`t be like that. God is knocking and I run to answer but then it is like I hear something in my house and forget I was going to open the door. "I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" Revelation 3:15-16 (NLT) YIKES! I am so lukewarm it isn`t even funny, and God doesn`t like that.

There are somethings I feel either take away or totally get in the way of me trying harder. Two I know of that stick out bad are drinking & Facebook. Now on the subject of drinking & being a Christian. I do not think it is a sin to have a glass of wine (or a beer) with dinner. I think altering your state of mind (drunk) is, & I`m not going to act like I have never done that, cause I have. But sometimes I rely on it like, "Oh I had a bad day, I need a big ole glass of wine!". WHEN I should be, "Oh I had a bad day, I need alone time talking to God!" Anything you put over God is a sin, and I do that with drinking. So I`m only going to have A (just ONE) glass of wine when I drink AND it can`t be after a bad day! Now on the subject of Facebook (I know I`m a loser)! I wake up & get on, I should be reading my Bible. So I`m going to have my mom change my password and only she will know it and I can only get on once a week. Actually letting go of Facebook is harder then the drinking hahaha.

So my blogger readers, help me out. PRAY for me. I`m not a saint and I don`t try act like one. I fail A LOT, but I`m trying and I would LOVE some guidance!

Happy New Year : )