Blah.........

That is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm a zombie, just walking around looking for a brain to eat (gross sorry). I guess I'm in a rut with life. I'm just so ready to go, but I don't want to leave, it is a strange feeling. Don't get me wrong, I want to live with my husband. I CANT WAIT FOR THAT! Waking up to him laying in bed with me....I have waited a year for that! But last time I was there for only 4 months & it felt like a year. Now I'm going for a year and it will feel like being away from L Dubb forever! My whole family is here. The worst  is when you call home and everyone is over at Mommy & Daddy's (yes we are grown women who call our parents that) & they are all laughing in the background. Ugh. But I want to leave BAD, so that is where I get stuck. I would give ANYTHING to be with my husband again. It isn't like I don't want to go. A quote from Little Women (I love that movie) I feel fits my attitude, "I love our home, but I'm just so fitful and I can't stand being here!" Jo March. That is exactly how I feel. I love my home but I can't stand being here. I want my husband & a normal life.

I was going to write this blog all about me being torn & BLAH feeling. But while I was typing something came to mind, well someone......Jesus. This past 2 weeks since I have been home I feel like I have strayed away from God. I didn't mean to, I just have been wrapped in my, "Oh poor me" that I haven't been as focused as I was. Jesus praying in the garden came to mind (fitting with being Easter too)

Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, "My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?" Matthew 26:39
He then left them a second time. Again he prayed, "My Father, if there is no other way than this, drinking this cup to the dregs, I'm ready. Do it your way." Matthew 26:42

Now Jesus dieing for our sins & me moving......not a good comparison, they are NO WHERE NEAR CLOSE....at all! BUT it just makes me think, Jesus knew what he had to do. He was scared but he knew it was what has to be done. And he did it, & I'm so thankful for that! So me being sad about leaving my hometown is NOTHING compared to this. Just makes you feel like nothing & selfish. But that man who died for me cares so much about me and even my selfish ways.